Ever read the marketing remarks on a home listing and wonder just what the agent or home owner are really trying to convey? Here is a quick little summary of 20 of the most commonly used terms along with the ‘practical’ translations.
Old charmer – an old and ugly house
Stunning house – the house is not ugly
Tudor – two bedrooms are in the attic which is not insulated; very hot in summer and very cold in winter
Cape Cod – styled after Third World slum dwellings
Sunny corner lot – noisy intersection of two busy streets
Easy freeway access – noisy arterial street close to freeway
Low maintenance lot – no yard; the kids will have to play in the street
Meticulously maintained in the original condition – the appliances are 50 years old
Ready to remodel – the house is about to collapse; you will have to invest twice the asking price in remodel before you can move in
Newly remodeled kitchen – 50-year old cabinetry and faucets have been replaced with cheap modern equivalents
Ready to move in – the interior has been painted with one coat of cheap paint
Desirable neighborhood – this little house is extravagantly overpriced because the neighborhood has a snobbish reputation
1 car garage – you can drive your Ford Escort into the garage but there is no room to open the door
In-city living – it is not safe to walk in this neighborhood after dark
Recreation room with wet bar – basement has been painted and has a faucet
Large family room – large basement
Bedroom in basement – basement has a 1′ by 2′ window
Lots of storage space – basement too small to be called a family room
Partial mountain view – you can see the tip of Mt. Olympus if you climb the roof
Territorial view – good view of your neighbor’s bedroom window
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